I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
birth control should be required to get into college
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
