She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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