i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
