Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
