I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
