I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
