woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
