Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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