SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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