I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize