We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
