i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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