the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
