Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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