if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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