nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
