While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
