Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Randomize
