I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize