i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
