I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
