i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
