he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
