If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
