So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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