wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
