dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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