oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
