I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
