The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
