Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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