i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
