Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
