so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
