My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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