Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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