walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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