WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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