Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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