My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
