real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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