I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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