I looked at my own cervix.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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