Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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