Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
