You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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