Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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