and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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