so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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