yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
