apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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