upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
