Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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