I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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