did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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