look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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