what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
