So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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