I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
