dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
