im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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