I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
