Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
